


Hold Me Just A Little Bit

by Beefmaster



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, First Time, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 05:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19350193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beefmaster/pseuds/Beefmaster
Summary: Richard and Jared are college boyfriends.  They decide to have sex for the first time.





	Hold Me Just A Little Bit

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: There is a non-explicit reference to child molestation. I did my best to handle it with the care and gravity it deserves. Please let me know if I failed.
> 
> Thank you to itsevidentvery and animesemplemcpherson on Tumblr for their help with this. They didn't see the final version so don't blame them if you hate it.

They’re in Richard’s dorm room, stripped down to their boxers, sprawled out on the bed, when Richard asks the question.

  
“Have you ever done this before?”  Richard bites his lip, and sits back on his haunches.  He looks beautiful, Jared thinks, with his flushed skin and his curls sticking up. 

“No, I haven’t,” Jared says, and it’s almost the truth.  He’s never done this before, not with someone he likes, someone he might even be a little in love with. 

Richard smiles.

“Me neither.”  He crawls over to Jared, and straddles his legs.  Jared runs his hands up and down Richard’s thighs.  “But, um, I feel safe with you.” He leans down to kiss Jared again.  Jared’s hands move to Richard’s lower back, and good lord, they fit together so perfectly.  Jared’s hands slip down to palm at Richard’s ass. Richard whimpers into his mouth. After a moment, he taps impatiently at Jared’s chest.

“Ok, ok, down to business,” Richard says, pulling away from Jared.  “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” Jared says breathlessly.

“Ok.”  Richard nods.  His fingers trail down to the waistband of Jared’s boxers. He tugs gently, and Jared lifts his hips so Richard can remove the boxers.

“Fuck,” Richard says, as he pulls the underwear past Jared’s cock.  “It’s- God, Jared, that’s- that’s so hot.”

Jared can’t breathe.  His cock is exposed, in front of Richard, and Richard is going to-

“I got some cherry flavored condoms from the student health center,” Richard says.  He jumps off the bed and starts rummaging through his desk drawer. “I mean, I’m sure we’re both clean, but they were free, and I wanted to be safe, so you know-“ Richard turns around.  “Jared, are you ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I lied earlier,” Jared blurts.

“About what?” 

“This isn’t my first time.”

“Oh.” Richard looks down at his feet, then back up.  “Right, yeah, you probably had a high school boyfriend, or I mean, you’re a Junior, you could have-“

“It was my foster dad.” 

“Oh. Oh God, you mean-“

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Jared says as he pulls up his boxers, “It’s just that I think you deserve to know why I can’t do this with you right now.”  He tries to stand up and leave, but his legs feel like jelly. Instead, he turns his face into Richard’s pillow.

“Jared, hey, wait,” Richard says, placing a hand cautiously on Jared’s shoulder.  “Are you- are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he mumbles into the pillow. _Don’t cry, don’t cry, Donald, whatever you do, don’t cry on Richard’s sheets-_

“Ok, um, should I leave?  I mean, this is my room, but-”

The thought of Richard leaving makes Jared’s heart seize.  He can feel the tears start to fall from his eyes.

“You don’t have to go,” he says quickly.  “Unless… unless you want to leave. I won’t stop you.  Just give me a few minutes, I’ll get dressed and I’ll be out here-”

“I don’t want to leave,” Richard cuts him off.  “And I don’t want you to leave either.” Richard sits on the bed next to Jared.  “Is this ok?”

Jared nods.  

“I don’t know if you want to talk about it.  I don’t know if I’m even equipped to like, hear about it, but I just want you to know that you can.  Talk about it. And I’ll do my best.”

“I don’t think I want to talk about it right now,” Jared says.  He feels weird and tired and a little sticky from the crying and all he really wants to do is sleep.

“Ok.  Um, can I hold you?”

“Yes please,” Jared whispers.

“Ok, let’s get under the covers.”  Richard pulls his duvet back and Jared slips under it.  Richard slides in beside him. Jared turns onto his side, and now they’re face to face.  It’s scary and exciting all at once, to be this close, this vulnerable. Richard puts his arm around Jared.  Jared can feel him shaking.

“I like this,” Jared says

“Me too.”  Richard rubs his thumb in circles along Jared’s back. 

“It’s not going to be easy.”

“What?”

“Being with me.  I have a lot of baggage, Richard.”

 “Look, I know that your childhood was- not great.  And that’s- I mean, I don’t know if I have what it takes to help you with that.  But I’m not going to leave you just because it’s difficult. I don’t want easy. I want you.”

Jared smiles even as he feels tears running down the side of his cheek.

“Oh Richard,” he sobs.  “Thank you.”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

They’re so close, Jared can feel Richard’s heart beat faster.

“I think I’m in love with you too.”

Richard lets out a relieved laugh.  He brushes away one of Jared’s tears with his thumb.

“Ok then.  Maybe we’re in love.”

“Maybe.” Jared closes his eyes.  He’s so exhausted, physically and emotionally.  “I think I’m going to take a nap now,” he says.

Richard just wraps his arm around Jared again.

“Yeah, me too.”

 

 


End file.
